Monday, March 20, 2017

an ode to the tax code


Ode to the Tax Code
by V. Patschke

There is hereby imposed
on the taxable income
of every individual
(other than a surviving spouse
as defined in section 2(a)
or the head of a household
as defined in section 2(b))
who is not a married individual
(as defined in section 7703)
a tax
determined in accordance
with the following table.

If your taxable income is:
not over $22,100
Your tax is:
15% of taxable income.
If your taxable income is:
Over $22,100
but not over $53,500
Your tax is $3,315
plus 28% of the excess
over $22,100.

If your taxable income is:
The spectrum of colors in the rainbow
Your tax is:
Indigo

If your taxable income is:
A 100-piece symphony orchestra
Your tax is:
Flutes and violins

If your taxable income is:
Geometry
Your tax is:
Triangles

If your taxable income is:
The gift of superpowers
Your tax is:
Invisibility

If your taxable income is:
A bountiful feast
followed by mouthwatering desserts
Your tax is:
Indigestion
followed by a period of fasting

If your taxable income is:
Eight hours of sleep
with lovely dreams
Your tax is:
Loud snoring
with two trips to the bathroom

If your taxable income is:
Unconditional love from family and friends
Your tax is:
Less frequent letters and
fewer phone calls

If your taxable income is:
Peace and prosperity
Your tax is:
A period of political chaos
and discontent

In applying rulings
and procedures
published herein,
the effect of subsequent
legislation,
regulations,
court decisions,
rulings, and
procedures must be
considered.
All taxes are due
on the 15th of April.
In the event of late payment
A 25% fee
and 25 grey hairs
will be applied.

2 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. Filing income tax reports seems less depressing when I think of it as a piece of the rainbow. Indigo is my favorite color, though, so I think I'll keep it. Maybe I'll pay my taxes in orange. I'm not so crazy about orange.

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